Making my way through the motions of ignoring
Is the same as waiting for the bad to get better
But now it’s too late to mend content incomprehension
So I’m waiting for the pain to forget its old sadness
And I’m hoping someday I’ll figure out how to be okay
But today happiness lives only in my dreams
And I’m much too sad to fall asleep
Because you set fire to my whole room
And I can’t explain it because no matter how much I want to talk about it
There is nothing I’m not afraid to say to someone like you right now
Every little thing is reminding me of the tears that won’t leave my eyes
I was never as good at letting go as I was at managing these things
So now I’m wishing you would pretend this all never happened
Oh, won’t you leave me some semblance of peace in this life?
Oh, I don’t want what used to be red to stay this blue
But how do I let go of what you refuse to
If there’s a god out there somewhere, way up in the sky
Do you think he’s making more popcorn or turning down the sound on us
Or is he just a sad old man hanging his head in shame
Wondering if it was even worth the magic he wasted in those seven days
After you caught me off guard, rewind and you wrote my name on your heart
But I know my world is brighter when my heart is by itself
So all I want to do is let you go, oh no, why won’t you let me go?
I still wear the stains of you like a dress my heart bled on cause you won’t forget me
I mean, I’m no Magic! And I’m no Bowie, but at least I’m your Queen.
But don’t you recall the days and the midnights when everything was good and right?
Because I don’t seem to know why all of that had to die the way it did.
Wiping the storm cloud off of a sculpted frown is easier said than done- it can’t-
I can’t relight the flame you put out and my heart doesn’t want to try again
Because now there a couple holes in two things that used to be whole.
And that’s why my feelings for you are more complex than a Nintendo game
The thing is I was swimming in your ocean, actually just starting to tread water.
But you pulled the plug and you drained my pool because it meant nothing to you
In that rare moment that for god’s sake it actually mattered. It should have.
I won’t ask you not to leave me in the shallows alone, but let me ask you:
When did you decide to make the river of true love hit a dam?
Even though I’m dying to know the truth, I won’t ask where the sense wandered off to.
But let me ask when you decided not to care about me anymore-
When did us become you?
Just don’t tell me if it was an easy decision to make. I already have my answer.
Don’t you see that I can’t live in a haunted house finding all your trap doors
I tried to teach myself to love all the nothingness but that outlet’s busted
When you put me on a pedestal and you keep me on a throne
Just to knock me down, drag me around, take the crown, and lock me up
I know wise is the optimist but I just see him spinning round and round
With an ear to the sun and the silence in the skies above is deafening to me.
So that’s why I won’t stumble into the palm that waits to crush me again
I’ve had enough and this time enough means I won’t take any more
Which means even when all the emotions are raining down I’m done.
Thank you for reading this poem. It’s about something I’ve been trying to find the right words to say for a while now, so I’m glad I finally got these words to come together. Let me know what you think of it.