Long nights I spent with forever at my feet
And the knocker at my fingertips
I couldn’t close the distance, I was too scared
Of your door. I know you never want to see me again,
And I’m alright with that, I swear I am.
Sometimes when I think of you, I recall
Every second with you was me begging
For what you were never willing to give.
And I’m finished with it. So forget me,
Forget the promises I made to you,
I will not spend the rest of my life
Searching every pair of eyes in the room
To see if I have your seal of approval
To call myself a real woman. I am real
And for some reason I’m here. All I can say is
Didn’t you know about my champagne
Problems long before you met me?
I’m not perfect- the lady’s improving,
As you would say. And from your words
I would hang like a child on the monkey bars.
You left me hanging like a branch from a broken tree
After you I was a melting clock face in a Dali.
I was a house of stone but I let ivy grow
Until it broke through the walls and now
I’m covered in the remains of one look at you
I had some bitter tricks up my sleeve, honestly,
But no lie so sweet as the sound of a “Forever”
As it leapt from your lips to its end in the dirt
Well I hope you never, ever say that word again,
I hope you lose it cause you gave it to me
Maybe just one too many times, one lie
I will never believe in again, not from you
Whose only knowledge of a love is a magic mirror
And an illness that swallows you day by day.
Now that you’re gone, in my dreams
I go up the river where footprints dot stepping stones,
Just to see if I ever see where we went wrong
Maybe one of these days I’ll spot a sign,
Maybe it will tell me why all my love letters
Are addressed to the fireplace and why on Earth
They’re full even though I’m as empty as ever
Cause you aren’t here to nudge me and laugh
At me, at the wold, at the person sitting across from us.
What does it matter if you’re on my mind
As I play violin when we all know the ship is sinking?
What does it matter if looking into your eyes
Was a lifetime wasted in luxury when those eyes
Are still my damnation, so I die on ice like a Fool.
They tell me my life deserves to be celebrated;
I threw a royal ball when you said you’d tolerate it.
Many long and lonely nights I was there
Waiting for you and where were you?
Right now, I’m alright, I’m alright again
But curses on me, I could never resist
One particular temptation, so here I am
Forgetting to let sleeping dogs lie because
Something in me still wants to play with them.
Unlike you, I can never leave well enough alone
I am the indefensible, the reprehensible,
The eternal failure, reading one story knowing
Yet never understanding how the end unfolds.
So much for growing from this unholy pain
So much for roaring twenties and wishing wells.
And so much for chosen families, a world all our own
I hate my feet for remembering the way to your realm.
I hate my heart for still feeling your fingernails
Under all these layers I’ve built up to keep you out
So I guess you could say the greatest love story never told,
Now long dead to stay buried evermore, wasn’t mine.
Even the ghost of your heart wasn’t mine to hold.