Long nights I spent with forever at my feet

And the knocker at my fingertips

I couldn’t close the distance, I was too scared

Of your door. I know you never want to see me again,

And I’m alright with that, I swear I am.

Sometimes when I think of you, I recall

Every second with you was me begging

For what you were never willing to give.

And I’m finished with it. So forget me,

Forget the promises I made to you,

I will not spend the rest of my life

Searching every pair of eyes in the room

To see if I have your seal of approval

To call myself a real woman. I am real

And for some reason I’m here. All I can say is

Didn’t you know about my champagne

Problems long before you met me?

I’m not perfect- the lady’s improving,

As you would say. And from your words

I would hang like a child on the monkey bars.

You left me hanging like a branch from a broken tree

After you I was a melting clock face in a Dali.

I was a house of stone but I let ivy grow

Until it broke through the walls and now

I’m covered in the remains of one look at you

I had some bitter tricks up my sleeve, honestly,

But no lie so sweet as the sound of a “Forever”

As it leapt from your lips to its end in the dirt

Well I hope you never, ever say that word again,

I hope you lose it cause you gave it to me

Maybe just one too many times, one lie

I will never believe in again, not from you

Whose only knowledge of a love is a magic mirror

And an illness that swallows you day by day.

Now that you’re gone, in my dreams

I go up the river where footprints dot stepping stones,

Just to see if I ever see where we went wrong

Maybe one of these days I’ll spot a sign,

Maybe it will tell me why all my love letters

Are addressed to the fireplace and why on Earth

They’re full even though I’m as empty as ever

Cause you aren’t here to nudge me and laugh

At me, at the wold, at the person sitting across from us.

What does it matter if you’re on my mind

As I play violin when we all know the ship is sinking?

What does it matter if looking into your eyes

Was a lifetime wasted in luxury when those eyes

Are still my damnation, so I die on ice like a Fool.

They tell me my life deserves to be celebrated;

I threw a royal ball when you said you’d tolerate it.

Many long and lonely nights I was there

Waiting for you and where were you?

Right now, I’m alright, I’m alright again

But curses on me, I could never resist

One particular temptation, so here I am

Forgetting to let sleeping dogs lie because

Something in me still wants to play with them.

Unlike you, I can never leave well enough alone

I am the indefensible, the reprehensible,

The eternal failure, reading one story knowing

Yet never understanding how the end unfolds.

So much for growing from this unholy pain

So much for roaring twenties and wishing wells.

And so much for chosen families, a world all our own

I hate my feet for remembering the way to your realm.

I hate my heart for still feeling your fingernails

Under all these layers I’ve built up to keep you out

So I guess you could say the greatest love story never told,

Now long dead to stay buried evermore, wasn’t mine.

Even the ghost of your heart wasn’t mine to hold.

Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

I write poetry, prose, and personal pieces. All images are mine unless indicated otherwise. Feel free to leave feedback on my work anytime; I hope you enjoy.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store