I hate that one of every ten stories
You hear him tell about me was originally
Based in some semblance of truth,
But even more than that, I despise that
I do actually have to give him some credit
If nothing else, he gets points for creativity
Because whatever is going on every day
In his little la la land version of reality
Has been keeping me on my toes for some time now.
It’s something new constantly and he keeps it rolling
As if he could never get tired of churning this stuff out.
It makes next to no sense and still he turns people’s ears
Every single time, without fail, he gets what he wants.
And I’m left hanging out to dry because who would believe
That I know myself better than he possibly could
What gets me isn’t that he’s over here doing what he does
Or that he’s been getting away with it for about two years;
It’s that I get blamed for what he does. And if we’re calling it
What the powers that be named it: sexual harassment,
Then what gets me is that his sexual harassment
Comes back to bite me bit by bit, instead of him.
I’ve had so many people come up to me asking questions:
Do you know E*** N*****? He’s obsessed with you!
You know E*** N*****? He was making jokes about you
The other day and today and the day before that and…
Hey, so, are you you and E*** N***** a thing?
Were you ever a thing? But did you even like him at some point?
Like what’s the deal between you guys?
Cause he’s always talking smack about you
Did you hear what E*** N***** is saying about you now?
I have to tell you something… it’s about E*** N*****-
I’m so sorry, but I just felt like you should know what
E*** N***** is doing behind your back.
Oh and, of course-
What happened between you and E*** N*****
For him to think he has the right to do this to you?
That always gets me.
I’ve been called a slut, a whore, what have you in the past
But with them I knew what was going on,
What I had done or what they had done
To put us in that ugly situation
But with him, I never knew why.
It’s not like he was ever open to discussing why
He does this to me every single bloody day.
I don’t know what I could have said or did to bring this on
Or what about me drives him to do this
But I think I’m at the point where I don’t care anymore
Because there are no valid excuses for prolonged, intensified
Maybe I did something to him that I don’t even realize,
But he’s made me suffer more than enough to compensate.
If seeing my body the way it is drives him insane
He’s had more than enough time to find a way to deal with it.
So no, none of the excuses I dreamed up for him work now
Because some of these things are starting to hurt.
Even I have to admit there have been things he said that were funny
And plenty of incidents that were water of my wings, I didn’t care
But there is a growing category of serious incidents
That caused more damage than he had a right to inflict
Like when other people stare at me and whisper the way he does
The way he trained his friends to do- even some girls I respected
Or when people come up and ask me if things he’s said are true-
Is it true you did this
I heard you did that
Did you actually do this
Tell us the story of how you did that
Even my own friends have sometimes had to ask because
They didn’t know where it had all originated until they hunted down
An all too familiar source- every fire had the same kerosene.
And it’s not just friends, classmates, and strangers anymore.
It’s teachers now, hearing some of this not knowing what to do
And my dad has heard some choice quotes from the infamous
Walking sexual harassment known as E*** N*****
That ripped me up on the inside- to see him try not to vomit
When he heard what people have been saying about his baby
Because he’s always been so protective but couldn’t do anything
To shield me from E*** N***** because he never saw that coming.
So, no, I don’t think that it’s funny.
I think it’s caused too much pain for anyone but E*** N***** himself to be laughing
Because it’s so hard to be the bigger person every time this happens
Only to see it continue growing exponentially by the hour.
My previous piece on how sexual harassment from this and other individuals: