“Close-up of the dial of an antique clock” by Brooke Campbell on Unsplash

I Don’t Find It As Funny As You Do

(Note: “E*** N***** indicates the initials used to represent an individual this poem describes. The initials do not represent his real name, but will be used here to indicate who he is.)

I hate that one of every ten stories

You hear him tell about me was originally

Based in some semblance of truth,

But even more than that, I despise that

I do actually have to give him some credit

If nothing else, he gets points for creativity

Because whatever is going on every day

In his little la la land version of reality

Has been keeping me on my toes for some time now.

It’s something new constantly and he keeps it rolling

As if he could never get tired of churning this stuff out.

It makes next to no sense and still he turns people’s ears

Every single time, without fail, he gets what he wants.

And I’m left hanging out to dry because who would believe

That I know myself better than he possibly could

What gets me isn’t that he’s over here doing what he does

Or that he’s been getting away with it for about two years;

It’s that I get blamed for what he does. And if we’re calling it

What the powers that be named it: sexual harassment,

Then what gets me is that his sexual harassment

Comes back to bite me bit by bit, instead of him.

I’ve had so many people come up to me asking questions:

Do you know E*** N*****? He’s obsessed with you!

You know E*** N*****? He was making jokes about you

The other day and today and the day before that and…

Hey, so, are you you and E*** N***** a thing?

Were you ever a thing? But did you even like him at some point?

Like what’s the deal between you guys?

Cause he’s always talking smack about you

Did you hear what E*** N***** is saying about you now?

I have to tell you something… it’s about E*** N*****-

I’m so sorry, but I just felt like you should know what

E*** N***** is doing behind your back.

Oh and, of course-

What happened between you and E*** N*****

For him to think he has the right to do this to you?

That always gets me.

I’ve been called a slut, a whore, what have you in the past

But with them I knew what was going on,

What I had done or what they had done

To put us in that ugly situation

But with him, I never knew why.

It’s not like he was ever open to discussing why

He does this to me every single bloody day.

I don’t know what I could have said or did to bring this on

Or what about me drives him to do this

But I think I’m at the point where I don’t care anymore

Because there are no valid excuses for prolonged, intensified

Sexual harassment.

Maybe I did something to him that I don’t even realize,

But he’s made me suffer more than enough to compensate.

If seeing my body the way it is drives him insane

He’s had more than enough time to find a way to deal with it.

So no, none of the excuses I dreamed up for him work now

Because some of these things are starting to hurt.

Even I have to admit there have been things he said that were funny

And plenty of incidents that were water of my wings, I didn’t care

But there is a growing category of serious incidents

That caused more damage than he had a right to inflict

Like when other people stare at me and whisper the way he does

The way he trained his friends to do- even some girls I respected

Or when people come up and ask me if things he’s said are true-

Is it true you did this

I heard you did that

Did you actually do this

Tell us the story of how you did that

Even my own friends have sometimes had to ask because

They didn’t know where it had all originated until they hunted down

An all too familiar source- every fire had the same kerosene.

And it’s not just friends, classmates, and strangers anymore.

It’s teachers now, hearing some of this not knowing what to do

And my dad has heard some choice quotes from the infamous

Walking sexual harassment known as E*** N*****

That ripped me up on the inside- to see him try not to vomit

When he heard what people have been saying about his baby

Because he’s always been so protective but couldn’t do anything

To shield me from E*** N***** because he never saw that coming.

So, no, I don’t think that it’s funny.

I think it’s caused too much pain for anyone but E*** N***** himself to be laughing

Because it’s so hard to be the bigger person every time this happens

Only to see it continue growing exponentially by the hour.

Photo by Icons8 team on Unsplash

Thank you all for reading this piece. Many thanks especially to Angela Golde Jeff Barton and OCDesi for the encouragement in your kindness.

My previous piece on how sexual harassment from this and other individuals:

…BRD…

I write poetry, prose, and personal pieces. All images are mine unless indicated otherwise. Feel free to leave feedback on my work anytime; I hope you enjoy.

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